Sage

✦ Mystics — a Sage reading

over apologizing as women

Maren AltmanWestern

What this covers

The video features a speaker discussing the subconscious social conditioning that leads women to apologize for minor actions, such as occupying space on a plane. Through a personal anecdote about apologizing to a stranger who immediately reassured her, the speaker illustrates how these behaviors are not signs of insecurity but rather rational responses to societal punishment and the fear of being perceived as "too much." The narrative argues that this ingrained habit of softening interactions to preempt criticism persists despite efforts to project confidence.

    The outline

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      Apologizing for Taking Up Space

      The speaker shares an anecdote about accidentally apologizing to a stranger on a plane for taking up space, noting the other woman's immediate reassurance that no apology was needed. This incident highlights the subconscious training women undergo to preempt criticism by softening their interactions, which is often mislabeled as insecurity. The speaker argues that this behavior is a rational response to social punishment rather than a flaw, acknowledging that despite efforts to project confidence, the ingrained habit of apologizing to avoid being perceived as "too much" persists.

      • The speaker apologized to a woman on a plane for taking up space, prompting the other woman to say, "You don't need to apologize for that."
      • The incident revealed how women are subconsciously trained to preempt criticism of themselves through softening language.
      • This hedging behavior is often described as insecurity, but the speaker views it as a rational response to how women are treated if they do not apologize.
      • The speaker has tried to use "excuse me" instead of "sorry" to avoid taking up space defensively but finds the training still ingrained.
      • The feeling of needing to lead with "sorry" stems from a fear of seeming like "too much," which is a response to potential social punishment.
      • The speaker notes that men likely do not understand this specific experience or the underlying feeling of having to manage perception to avoid pushback.

    How it ties together

    • The Anecdote of Unnecessary Apology
      • Incident on a plane: Accidentally apologizing to a stranger for taking up space
      • The stranger's immediate reassurance that no apology was needed
    • Analysis of the Behavior
      • Identification as subconscious training for women to soften interactions
      • Common mislabeling of this behavior as insecurity
      • Argument that it is a rational response to social punishment
    • Persistence of the Habit
      • Acknowledgment that the behavior persists despite efforts to project confidence
      • Rooted in the desire to avoid being perceived as "too much"
    Topics
    • Gender dynamics
    • Apology culture
    • Social conditioning
    • Confidence
    • Preempting criticism
    Names
    • None